No Longer Invisible

The other day as I browsed my Netflix watch list for a way to occupy some of my Friday evening, I noticed a documentary was about to be removed. It's a documentary I've seen before, and even four-starred (out of five possible stars). And believe you me, I am stingy with those stars. The documentary is called The Invisible War. In it, filmmakers Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering interview dozens of women and men discussing the topic of military sexual trauma.

When I hear the words “military” and “trauma” in the same phrase, I think of PTSD resulting from combat, the horrific experiences felt and witnessed by men and women in war. Toss the word “sexual” in the middle of those two oft-linked words and the issue gets confused. String those three words together and my mind goes to POWs grossly abused and tortured as in the events that took place at Abu Ghraib. Certainly that would qualify as military sexual trauma. But this documentary is about US soldiers who have been traumatized and assaulted, not about US soldiers perpetrating heinous crimes against foreign POWs. The military sexual trauma discussed throughout The Invisible War, indeed the “invisible war” itself, is the infliction of sexual crimes by US military against US military and the ensuing battles that rage within and around the survivors as they try to come to terms with this most personal betrayal and seek justice from a biased and unjust system that would rather close its eyes and ears.

My understanding is that since the release of The Invisible War, several members of Congress have taken a keen interest in the plight of US military women and men who have been hurt and betrayed by their very own. A recent bill, the Military Justice Improvement Act of 2013, attempted to address flaws in the military justice system, but did not gain enough support to become law. Though the bill was not enacted there have been changes in how the military handles sexual assault cases. The documentary gives a bit of insight into those changes.

At the end of The Invisible War, the viewer is directed to the website http://www.notinvisible.org/. Shortly after viewing this documentary for the first time, I added that link to the “Helpful and Informative Sites” section of my blog (see “Not Invisible — US military” under the “PTSD” section heading). The website contains a variety of resources, current events, and general information for vets who experienced sexual assault while serving in the military. To the affected service men and women, the war you have fought and are fighting against military injustice and sexual trauma no longer has to be kept secret; this no longer must be an invisible war.

As I reflect on my own (nonmilitary) experiences with sexual trauma, I realize that one of the hardest parts was carrying the secret of what happened on my own. For more than two years, I lived completely alone with it, with the fear, the guilt, the shame, the sadness. I still struggle with that today. With keeping certain aspects of my experiences secret. Sometimes just the thought of someone else knowing even a little bit of what happened is enough to terrify me. But then, when that surge of fear passes, I know it is good to not keep this a secret. I need to not be invisible. If the war is invisible—if my struggles are invisible—I cannot be helped. And that may be as tragic as the experiences themselves.

Whether your heart seeks out stories of injustice because you are overflowing with desire to show compassion to the wounded in your community or whether you know someone personally who is struggling with issues or life events like those discussed in the film, I recommend you watch The Invisible War and find out how you can get involved. You can stream it on Netflix until 11/20/15. It is also available on iTunes or Amazon. And I'm sure there are a variety of other ways you can gain access to it as well. However, be warned that if you are easily triggered by this topic, you should proceed with caution. This film contains several accounts of sexual assault, some discussion on suicide, and some instances of harsh language.

Walls of Defense

I have always been shy, reserved, and timid. Then came the traumatic situation, and these inborn character traits grew more extreme. The shyness turned into shamefacedness. My reserved nature turned into a reclusive nature. The timidity turned into chronic fear. As strange as it may seem, shame, reclusiveness, and especially fear are how I protect myself. These extremes are some of the building blocks of my defensive wall.

In ancient days it was not uncommon for cities to be enclosed by defensive walls. The history of Jerusalem's city walls is partially recorded in brief passages throughout the Bible. Sometimes these passages recount the building of defensive walls, and sometimes they recount the destruction of those walls. Here are some passages for consideration:

BUILT: The first wall of the city known as Jerusalem was built by King Solomon.
1 Kings 9:15—And this is the account of the forced labor that King Solomon drafted to build the house of the Lord and his own house and the Millo and the wall of Jerusalem….
(See also 1 Kings 3:1.)

DESTROYED: King Jehoash of Israel destroyed a section of the wall of Jerusalem that was well over a mile long.
2 Kings 14:13—And Jehoash king of Israel … came to Jerusalem and broke down the wall of Jerusalem for four hundred cubits….
(See also 2 Chron 25:23.)

BUILT: When Sennacherib, King of Assyria, threatened Jerusalem, King Hezekiah of Judah repaired the broken wall and built another wall outside the original city wall.
2 Chron 32:5—He set to work resolutely and built up all the wall that was broken down and raised towers upon it, and outside it he built another wall….

BUILT: King Manasseh of Judah, Hezekiah's son, built an outer wall upon his release from Assyrian captivity.
2 Chron 33:14—He built an outer wall for the city of David west of Gihon, in the valley, and for the entrance into the Fish Gate, and carried it around to Ophel, and raised it to a very great height….

DESTROYED: When King Zedekiah of Judah revolted against Babylonian rule, King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon attacked Jerusalem.
Jer 52:14—And all the army of the Chaldeans, who were with the captain of the guard, broke down all the walls around Jerusalem.
(See also 2 Kings 25:10; 2 Chron 36:19; Jer 39:8.)
Soon after the fall of Jerusalem, Jeremiah the prophet recorded a lament for the fallen city.
Lam 2:8—The Lord determined to lay in ruins the wall of the daughter of Zion; he stretched out the measuring line; he did not restrain his hand from destroying; he caused rampart and wall to lament; they languished together.

BUILT: Nehemiah was allowed by King Artaxerxes of Persia to return to Jerusalem to rebuild the city walls.
Neh 6:15—So the wall was finished on the twenty-fifth day of the month Elul, in fifty-two days.

DESTROYED: Jesus prophesied about the fall of Jerusalem that occurred in 70 AD.
Luke 21:5–6, 20–21, 24—And while some were speaking of the temple, how it was adorned with noble stones and offerings, he said, “As for these things that you see, the days will come when there will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down.” … “But when you see Jerusalem surrounded by armies, then know that its desolation has come near. Then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains, and let those who are inside the city depart, and let not those who are out in the country enter it…. Jerusalem will be trampled underfoot by the Gentiles….”

Why did God allow the walls of Jerusalem to fall time and time again? I think a fraction of the reason God allowed the destruction of the walls is given in Deuteronomy 28:52, before the Israelites were even established in Canaan: “They shall besiege you in all your towns, until your high and fortified walls, in which you trusted, come down throughout all your land….”

God allowed Jerusalem's defeat because the Israelites placed their trust in their own defensive structures rather than in Him. No matter how high we build our walls, if our trust is in our own defenses rather than in God, we are vulnerable to the enemy.

My trust has been primarily in the defensive walls I have built to protect myself, not in God. May the following words be true for me and for anyone who reads this as we work to place our trust in God: “‘We have a strong city; he sets up salvation as walls and bulwarks. Open the gates, that the righteous nation that keeps faith may enter in. You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you’” (Isa 26:1–3).

Scripture quotations are from the ESV* Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version*), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

In the acknowledgment above, fair use constitutes permission. See https://www.crossway.org/support/esv-bible-permissions/ for information on copyright and permissions.

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Only conscious when asleep
Alarm signals inactive mind
Thoughts and feelings all held captive
All is lost and wandering blind
Walking backwards on a tightrope
A breeze fells the house of cards
Bearing weight of stone cathedrals
Glass becomes a thousand shards
Wise Solomon trapped in folly
Humble Moses ensnared by pride
Godly David found unfaithful
Immortal Adam knew and died

Two tornadic minds in motion
Sensations thrown into reverse
Sparks and signals in the crossfire
Tightly held confusion-curse
All of life spins in a circle
Fiercely winding turning top
Grinding gears unoiled machinery
Breathless rollercoaster drop
Chosen Jacob known deceiver
Unwilling Tamar sent away
Lying spirits sent from heaven
Virgin daughters proposed as prey

Waken mind that sleeps while watching
Too much rubble obscures the view
Violent memories left abandoned
Troubled waters demand their due
Strong connections in the circuits
Wires frayed with overuse
Pathways are not prison shackles
Iron fetters can come loose
Mighty Samson strong in weakness
King Manasseh bowed in chains
Three faithful men withstood fire
A crucified man lives and reigns

To the extent possible under law, J has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to this work. This work is published from: United States.

Symptoms of PTSD: Avoidance (Part 3)

All quotes below are from the following Open Access sources and are solely intended for the education of the reader:

1. Norrholm, S. D., & Jovanovic, T. (2010). Tailoring therapeutic strategies for treating posttraumatic stress disorder symptom clusters. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 6, 517–532.
2. Brousse, G., Arnaud, B., Roger, J. D., Geneste, J., Bourguet, D., Zaplana, F., … Jehel, L. 2011. Management of Traumatic Events: Influence of Emotion-Centered Coping Strategies on the Occurrence of Dissociation and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 7, 127–133.

As described by Friedman [2006], exposure to a traumatic event … can produce a robust emotional response…, and this association can lead to PTSD avoidance symptoms…. (1)

Emotion-centered coping is an attempt to manage the emotional responses induced by the situation…. Numerous strategies belong to this category, including substance abuse, physical activity, expression of emotions, feeling of responsibility, minimization of the event, alteration, denial or avoidance of reality, hoping for a miracle, and use of the imagination. Among all these emotional behaviors, avoidance of the event seems to particularly influence evolution to PTSD, suggesting that emotion-centered strategies (avoidance, flight, denial, or self-accusation) may lead to more negative outcomes after a traumatic event…. (2)

One of the earliest theories proposed to explain avoidance behavior is Mowrer's 2-factor theory [Mowrer, 1960; Levis, 1981], which posits that escape of a fear-conditioned stimulus negatively reinforces avoidance behavior, thereby maintaining fear responses. Applied to PTSD, this theory suggests that avoidance of reminders of the trauma can maintain the disorder by preventing extinction of the original fear associations. (1)

One problem with avoidance is that it keeps you stuck. I think a lot of us construct walls of sorts to keep out the things we'd rather not see, hear, or think about. Certainly avoidance does have its place in preserving our safety and well-being, but when avoidance becomes crippling it is not healthy. And, evidently, scientific inquiry has led us to the conclusion that avoidance of (perceived) fearful things only strengthens the fear association in our brains. I don't know that there is a way to shut off the fear. But I do know that avoidance is only one way to handle it. Several other options exist. I know I have not explored those options enough. I am slowly getting there.

If you struggle with avoidance as well, please be assured that there are other methods of coping. Help is out there. We need to peek over the wall long enough to spot it.

Symptoms of PTSD: Avoidance (Part 2)

I have been reading the second edition of Coping With Trauma: Hope Through Understanding by Jon G. Allen, PhD, sporadically for the past 2 years. He discusses the topic avoidance a lot in this book. Before you even make it to the double-digit page numbers, he has pretty well defined the role of avoidance in PTSD. He describes it as a primary symptom, saying that anyone who has experienced trauma will likely avoid any reminders of the event. Even thinking about the trauma can trigger overwhelmingly unpleasant emotions. And although avoidance is a natural coping strategy, it can ultimately keep you stuck. To move forward, it is vital to think about the trauma rather than to avoid it.

One recent afternoon, probably as I was trying to avoid other trains of thought, I was thinking, Well, yes, it's true that I avoid things I shouldn't. But there are things that I should avoid. What are those things? I delved into the book of Proverbs and found some very sound advice from King Solomon.

• Avoid sin.
• Prov 4:14–15—Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.
• Prov 22:3—A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.
• Avoid certain types of people, especially in certain situations.
• Prov 14:7—Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.
• Prov 20:19—He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.
• Prov 22:24–25—Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare for thy soul.
• Prov 23:20–21—Be not among winebibbers; among riotous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.

Note that Solomon's advice is for our own good: to keep us from foolishness, to keep our secrets safe, to keep our souls, and to keep us from poverty.

Several of Solomon's ancestors fled people and situations when avoidance was the best action to take.

• Solomon's father David fled from King Saul in 1 Sam 19:10–12:

  And Saul sought to smite David event to the wall with the javelin; but he slipped away out of Saul's presence, and he smote the javelin into the wall: and David fled, and escaped that night. Saul also sent messengers unto David's house, to watch him, and to slay him in the morning: and Michal David's wife told him, saying, If thou savest not thy life tonight, tomorrow thou shalt be slain. So Michal let David down through a window: and he went, and fled, and escaped.

• Joseph fled his master Potiphar's wife in Gen 39:7–12:

  And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me. But he refused, and said unto his master's wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand; There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God? And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her. And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within. And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.

• Joseph's father Jacob fled his own father-in-law in Gen 31:3–7, 20–21:

  And the Lord said unto Jacob, Return unto the land of thy fathers, and to thy kindred; and I will be with thee. And Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah to the field unto his flock, And said unto them, I see your father's countenance, that it is not toward me as before; but the God of my father hath been with me. And ye know that with all my power I have served your father. And your father hath deceived me, and changed my wages ten times; but God suffered him not to hurt me.… And Jacob stole away unawares to Laban the Syrian, in that he told him not that he fled. So he fled with all that he had; and he rose up and passed over the river, and set his face toward the mount of Gilead.

In a first therapy session with a healthcare professional, one of the first questions asked to someone who has been abused is, “Are you in a safe living situation?” To heal and cope, you need to be in a situation conducive to healing and coping (speaking from personal and unfortunate experience). If someone is threatening your life, forcing or coercing you into a sexual relationship, or otherwise taking advantage of you, you have the support of this lowly blogger, hundreds of healthcare professionals, and the Almighty God to leave that situation.

Yes, avoidant behavior is a major symptom of PTSD, but it often has to be the first step on the road to recovery.

More on avoidance (the bad kind) soon …

Scripture quoted from the King James Version of the Bible. The KJV is public domain in the United States. See version information here: https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/King-James-Version-KJV-Bible/#vinfo.

Symtoms of PTSD: Avoidance (Part 1)

Google the initialism “PTSD” and you will quickly find that the symptoms of this disorder are most commonly grouped into three categories: 1) re-experiencing, 2) avoidance, and 3) hyperarousal.

The second category has been on my mind a lot recently. Avoidance can be an effective coping strategy, but when taken to the extreme it is debilitating. Here is an analogy my therapist made today:

Let's say that someone eats something that has a raw egg in it and gets food poisoning. Because of that experience, this person decides that in order to keep himself safe he is never going to eat food again. End result: he dies.

This man did what he could to keep himself safe. His logic was flawed, obviously, because he overgeneralized. Food itself was not the problem. It was the improper preparation (or misuse) of the food. All he needed to do was avoid the improperly prepared food, not food altogether!

I have done the same thing with the word and concept “love.” I avoid saying and thinking that word; I can barely bring myself to type it in quote marks. I avoid people or discussions that use that word frequently. I avoid reading about God's only begotten son who embodies that word in its purest form because I overgeneralize. I am the food-poisoned man … except that I'm not a man and I don't have a problem with food.

More on this topic soon….

Fear and PTSD

Fear forcing past into present
Or present into past?
Heart, lungs, beating and breathing fast
Post-shame, post-guilt, post-pain:
What comes after? More of the same.

Fear changing stone into soldier,
Or soldier into stone?
Body, mind, haggard and hollow bone
Traumatized, tantalized
By what's before, behind the eyes.

Fear pushing child into adult
Or adult into child?
Limbs, legs, trembling and tangling wild
Stress out, stress in, stressed still
And always now; against the will.

Fear forcing life into chaos
Or chaos into life?
Head, heart, disarmed and disrobed strife,
Disordered, and diseased,
Burning with fear in a frozen freeze.

To the extent possible under law, J has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to this work. This work is published from: United States.