Transference vs. Projection: What's the Difference?

A couple months ago, I got angry at my therapist. She hadn't done anything to hurt me or offend me or provoke me. I was just mad. So I sent her an email, explaining all the “reasons” why I was angry at her. I clustered those reasons into five paragraphs, all of which started with “I'm angry because….” My therapist sent a kind email in response, thanking me for sending that email to her and assuring me that what I said made sense. When I showed up for my appointment the following week, the first thing she wanted to talk about was that email. She reiterated that the feelings I was having made sense and there was even a word for what I was experiencing. “It's called transference,” she said. Ooooooohhhhhhhh…. That thing. I've heard of that.

Transference. I think a lot of people have heard that term before. For some reason I always confuse that word with another fun psych buzzword: projection. And judging from a brief initial web surfing excursion, I think a lot of people confuse the two. To help me get a firmer grasp on what these terms mean, I read through several seemingly trustworthy web pages about psychology written by psychologists, psychiatrists, and licensed counselors. This is my understanding of transference and projection based on my reading.

Transference takes place when someone transfers another person's qualities, feelings, behaviors, etc., to a different person and then reacts to the different person as if he/she were the other person. (Well said. Or not so much.) Let's try it this way. It takes at least three people to have a transference scenario. So we have three people: I/Me, Present Person, and Past Person. I used to be around Past Person a lot and she always got impatient with Me when I asked questions, so after a while I feared asking her questions because I didn't like being yelled at. Now I hang around Present Person a lot and because I anticipate her becoming impatient just like Past Person, I am afraid to ask Present Person questions for fear she will also yell at me. In a sense, transference is like looking at a person but seeing someone else. The image below depicts a specific instance of transference I experience with my therapist due to previous interactions with my dad.

So even though my therapist is not my dad, and even in my most confused of states I know she's not my dad (the fact that she's female kind of gives that away), I behave as if she is. Because I anticipate her laughing at me if I exhibit emotion around her, I avoid experiencing feelings when I am in her office. This is not the most helpful of things for a person in therapy to do, but at least now I understand that I do it for a reason.

Projection is less complex, in my humble opinion. Projection happens when a person projects their own qualities, feelings, behaviors, etc., onto another person. Whereas transference takes three people, projection only requires two: This time we have I and Other Person. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have been a grouchy wretch all day. After an encounter with Other Person, I walk away irritated, complaining to myself about Other Person's grouchiness. The classic example, right? You are acutely aware of the horrible qualities, behaviors, attitudes, etc., of that super-annoying person next to you, only to be informed that it is you who have the horribleness. When you look at that person, you don't see that person, you see you! Horror of all horrors! The image below depicts a possible instance of projection in therapy. [NOTE: I'm not really bitter. I just couldn't think of any of my bad qualities because I'm by myself and I have no one to project them onto right now. Clever, huh?]

To manage something effectively, I think you need a basic understanding of what it is you're trying to manage. With my basic understanding of transference and projection, I'm going to try to take note of when I am experiencing these things and learn how to see people for who they are.

Dad Is Not God

Bearing the image of Him who made you
But your nature has betrayed you,
You're a sinner all the way through—
Dad is not God.

Fallen from grace in your daughter's sight,
Confusing what's wrong with what's right,
Walking in darkness and shunning light—
Dad is not God.

Afraid to look into my father's eyes
For fear of seeing only lies,
He becomes the one I most despise—
Dad is not God.

Bury the pain and hurt. My silenced heart,
Cracked, crumbling, and falling apart,
Needs a mighty hope to restart—
Dad is not God.

The great celestial, skillful Potter
Is my wholly perfect Father,
And I His sinful, broken daughter—
Dad is not God.

To the extent possible under law, J has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to this work. This work is published from: United States.

Reading About Jesus (as Recorded by John)

During 2014 I decided to reacquaint myself with Jesus by reading the Gospel accounts. Interspersed were topical readings of the Gospels: parables told by Jesus, prophecies fulfilled by Jesus, and miracles performed by Jesus. I ended the year reading John's Gospel account. John's account differs greatly from the accounts of Matthew, Mark, and Luke both in style and in content. It seems like John delves deeper into the nature of Christ, focusing more on who he was/is rather than what he did while here on earth. John records various “I am” statements made by Jesus which help us understand even more his importance in our lives.

• In John 6, Jesus tells his disciples, “I am the bread of life,” indicating Jesus is our spiritual sustenance.
• In John 8, Jesus says, “I am the light of the world,” casting out darkness so that we are able to see and discern where we should go.
• In John 10, Jesus states, “I am the door of the sheep,” who lets his fold into good pasture. In this passage Jesus also says, “I am the Good Shepherd,” a leader who excels in his role in taking care of those who follow him.
• In John 11, Jesus boldly claims, “I am the resurrection and the life,” able to overcome the power of death by transforming the dead into the living.
• In John 14, Jesus tells his disciples, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Jesus is the path that leads to God. He is all truth and no deception. And he, once again, emphasizes that he embodies life.
• In John 15, Jesus says, “I am the vine,” explaining how he is the living structure that supports us, the branches.

Finally, returning to John 8, Jesus echoes the words his Father spoke to Moses so long ago. When commanding Moses to return to Egypt and lead his people out of captivity, God identified himself as “I AM” (Ex 3:14). When unbelievers once again scoffed at Jesus, mocking him for his wild claim that Abraham looked forward to the time when Jesus would appear, Jesus responds, “Before Abraham was, I am.”

I don't know that I will ever reach an understanding of the complexities of Christ's nature. How can Jesus be the son of God and also be God? Maybe I will get to ask him that myself one day. For now, I am glad to have access to the accounts laid down by early followers of Jesus, the first generation of Christians. As 2015 begins in just a few seconds, I pray that we all will take the time to remember Christ in this new year and draw ever closer to him in faith.

Scripture in the image and text is quoted from the King James Version of the Bible. The KJV is public domain in the United States. See version information here: https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/King-James-Version-KJV-Bible/#vinfo.

Reading About Jesus (as Recorded by Luke)

If you're like me, a girl (or woman, if you prefer), you might sometimes find it hard to relate to some of the accounts in the Bible because a lot of them involve men. This tends to be the case throughout both the Old Testament and the New: Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David, Isaiah, Daniel, Peter, John, James, Paul, Silas, Timothy, etc. Lots and lots of male figures.

One thing I appreciate about the Gospel account of Luke is his diligence in recording Jesus's interactions with and observations of women and girls he encountered during his life here on earth. These accounts sometimes hit closer to home on an emotional level because, having been a girl all the live-long day, I can more easily identify with women and girls. Luke records for us the compassion Jesus felt and showed for a bereaved woman. He records Jesus's affirmation that Mary, in taking time off from household chores to listen to and be taught by him, was doing a good thing. He records the mercy Jesus extended to a notoriously sinful woman who wept at his feet.

And these are messages I need to hear. I need to know that Jesus sees the grieving woman and has great compassion for her. I need to know that Jesus encourages busy women to take time out from the seemingly endless day-to-day tasks and learn from him. And, absolutely, I need to know that Jesus extends great mercy to the sinful woman who falls in tears at his feet.

Scripture in the image is quoted from the World English Bible. The World English Bible is in the Public Domain. That means that it is not copyrighted. See copyright information here: https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/World-English-Bible-WEB/#copy.

The Parable of the Prodigal Son (Part 3)

In the last few verses of The Parable of the Prodigal Son, the older son and the father speak about the younger (and “prodigal”) son who has just returned home.

Now his elder son was in the field. As he came near to the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the servants to him, and asked what was going on. He said to him, “Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and healthy.” But he was angry, and would not go in. Therefore his father came out, and begged him. But he answered his father, “Behold, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed a commandment of yours, but you never gave me a goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this, your son, came, who has devoured your living with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.”

He said to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But it was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for this, your brother, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found.” (Luke 15:25–32)

As a child do you remember taking the position that you were being treated unfairly? That a bratty younger sibling or maybe a bratty classmate was receiving the treatment you felt you deserved? Or maybe as an adult you've experienced something similar, a lazy coworker received accolades while you went unnoticed for all your steady hard work. How did these situations make you feel? A world-famous artist captured this perfectly, I think, in the masterpiece below. [NOTE: By “A world-famous artist,” “captured this perfectly,” and “masterpiece” I actually just mean “I,” “tried to draw this,” and “doodle,” respectively.]

You felt angry, right? I know I did. It also made me feel small and unappreciated and like I wasn't special. Unfortunately for parents, it's hard to respond to a child who feels slighted and approaches the subject angrily, especially when the child blames the parent; the natural reaction to being blamed for doing something you don't believe is wrong is to become defensive. Maybe you've heard some of these responses before:

1. “Well, I've got news for you: Life isn't fair.”
2. “I don't want to hear another word. Go to your room!”
3. “Why you ungrateful little….”

Do these responses really assuage your anger? Do they help you understand the situation a little better, help you come out of yourself enough to see the situation for what it is and not only how it makes you feel? The first response suggests that, Guess what, kid, you'll be feeling this way all your life. So deal with it. Perhaps life isn't fair, but does that proverb comfort the child and help him understand that he is still wanted and accepted? Does it teach him that others are also wanted and accepted? Probably not. The second response outright dismisses the child's feelings, leaving him to work them out on his own. The takeaway from this would probably be It doesn't matter what I feel because no one listens to me. Also not very helpful. The third response is a case of fighting fire with fire. The child approaches the situation angrily and the parent snaps back angrily. Accusations fly: The parent is being unfair and the child is being ungrateful. This response only makes the child feel worse about the whole situation.

The Father in Jesus's parable handles the interaction with his older son thoughtfully. He listens to his son as he expresses how the situation makes him feel. Instead of being caught up in his own emotional reaction, the Father does not condemn the older son's feelings, but he affirms his relationship with his older son. The Father acknowledges that this son will always be with him and all that he has belongs to him also. To me this is an image of comfort as he quiets the anger of his older child. There is a lesson for the older son to learn in this experience too. It was good for the Father to celebrate and be glad that his younger son had returned home. The Father's reaction was not about which son he liked more; it only had to do with the safe return of his younger son. Without dismissing his older son's feelings, the Father tried to help the older son understand the situation for what it was and not only how it made him feel. What an understanding, patient, and sensitive heavenly Father we have! For in the intensity of our feelings, whether they are just or not, he holds us close to him and will not dismiss us.

Scripture quoted from the World English Bible. The World English Bible is in the Public Domain. That means that it is not copyrighted. See copyright information here: https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/World-English-Bible-WEB/#copy.